I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Randomize
