I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
