Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
