Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
