"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
