dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
