I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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