Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
