C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I won't apologize to a one balled man
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
