He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
