Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
high people should be assigned attendants
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
