I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
where does the pee come out of this thing
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
