I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
