There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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