: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
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