We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
