I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
