Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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