So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
