cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
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