It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
