your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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