I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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