Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
