I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
