i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
