So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
