I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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