New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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