Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
