Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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