a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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