Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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