alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
