HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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