do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Randomize
