Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize