Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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