its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
