so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
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