Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
