It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize