mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
3 2 1 whiskey
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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