haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
