Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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