I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
