I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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