man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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