You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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