I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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