so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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