I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
