Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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