Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
