Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
her facebook's as public as her vagina
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
