sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
