Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
