youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
