I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
