If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
