oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I met the friendliest cop last night
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
