Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
