You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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