There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
