I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
