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he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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