And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
