Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
