Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize