when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
