one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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