i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
