No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
